Sep 21 2008
Take a step, breathe, take a step, breathe….then repeat
And so it begins……..we spent the weekend together…..like old times. Laughing and goofing off. He bungee jumped and we raced go-karts. We admired the beauty of the mountains and even went under the ground in some pretty neat caverns. I bought him a coke float….like the ones I used to make him when he was little. We talked, we laughed and we loved the time we had together. Just another weekend, right…NOT. The last weekend before he goes to Iraq.
You just want to capture and savor and freeze every moment in time. I spent the weekend in denial. I can honestly admit that. There’s a fine line between acknowledging and accepting what is happening and denying it. I denied it. Until the very last night……..we watched a comedy! A really freakin funny one, too–What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas–Funny–a hoot really. And then in the last few minutes of the movie my psyche would no longer accept the denial……….and reality fried me to the bone. I wanted to take him and hold him and take him to his room and set him up with his little movies and toys and DARE the government to come knocking trying to drag him off to their STUPID war! Like I said though, reality blindsided me and I realized I can’t…..I can’t keep in his room as my little boy because he is now a man—a very, very brave man…and I also realized it’s not the JUST the government’s STUPID war—-it’s ours. We the American people….we have a land and a constitution and a people to protect and uphold and my son has to go defend them. And I realized that we are the Land of the free…Because of the Brave. I realized that come the next morning he would be off to pick up his orders and I would be headed back to my prison–the prison I shall live in until he returns home safely to me and all that love him. So, I guess I have reached a point. I have at least acknowledged his mission and that of our United States Armed Forces. I have not accepted it yet.
Come on board with me. Save me from the insanity that lies just below the surface. I need strength—that’s why I blog. Is there a way to make it to the next step?
Accepting is completely a foreign idea for me at this point….I can honestly say that.
It was a sweet weekend. I loved every moment. It’s what I lived for. Times like those made every challenge of parenthood more that worth it. I can not wait to do it again.
Mama loves Son….Mama loves
Yeah, it’s heavy. I know.
I would just like to say to all those that are defending our Country. We Love You very much and appreciate everything you do and continue to do.. I am getting ready to see what it is like to have a son and law leave for Iraq for a year. I am not handling it very well. His little girl was born while he was stationed away and he has got to be with her for the last year and is getting ready to leave for a year now away from her. This is really hard because she is just getting started knowing who he is and leaving again for a year. At the sametime we understand what he has to do. I just pray that “God” keeps his hand on him and everyone else over there serving our Country. Thanks for everything. I appreciate everything you guys do. God bless you all.