heaven and hell at once

October 24, 2008

It’s a Friday night…kinda chilly….nice night to stay in.  Read a little perhaps, catch up on some TV or play a family board game or game of cards…..but for our family, it’s an Army family night!  We gather around, each adding our contributions to the current care package we are assembling so that I can heave ho like a pack mule yet again to the Post Office in the morning!!  Each little brother has his own little something he wants sent and of course, I have my ’necessities’ that I am sending his way with love…we wait on the computer to signal us that Hunter has signed on to Skype so we can SEE him and talk to him!! Oh yeah, we are lovin’ Skype!!  We research the weather conditions today in Iraq so that the little brothers can feel a little connected and educated about where their big brother is…….and then, well…….the sweetest thing happens on our Friday Army Family night.  I open up a message Hunter has sent and it’s the video I posted for you guys above.  I know it doesn’t surprise you all that are regular readers but…yes, I cried! Here’s my son, living in a war-zone and working his butt off for very long shifts…and he’s thoughtful and considerate enough to send us a video that is so heartwarming….that’s my boy!!!

I watched it a few times and I have to say…It’s so true, too…..if you have a husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, cousin, brother, sister in the Armed Forces–you truly are a part of their strength.  It’s also true that we have to be strong for them, too.  I try my hardest not to cry when I talk to him.  He must know that I  have full confidence in his training and abilities….and I do….but I am still his Mom and he is still my heart so I just keep the tears to myself so as not to worry him.  Army Strong means understanding why he couldn’t be here on Wednesday for his baby brother’s fourth birthday and why on Saturday when his middle brother turns twelve…again, he won’t be here.  Army Strong means that if the phone rings at four in the morning, we answer it because we don’t care what time it is…..we want to hear from our Hero!!  Army Strong is always encouraging and reminding him of how PROUD we are of him!  Army Strong is where we understand that our family’s sacrifice is to benefit other families both here in the United States and in other countries.  It’s not easy but we are—–ARMY STRONG and very, very proud!!

Thanks for the video, Son….as usual you have melted my heart, AGAIN…We are right here waiting on you and we are ARMY STRONG…..Mama loves

I don’t like to deviate much on this blog.  It’s for Hunter and it’s meant to chronicle our existence and survival through this deployment.  Sometimes, though, I just have to get my two cents in on something that really gets to me.

So, yesterday……they FINALLY indicted Casey Anthony for 1st Degree Murder of her precious daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony.  She was indicted on seven charges with the murder charge being the most serious.  Fittingly, there was no bond set for this mom/monster–”momster” and she can finally sit in a cell with no media attention and no adoring mother doting on her and no more six hour visits with Jose Baez!  Baez, her own attorney used the words “Public Enemy Number One” and that’s probably the most intelligent thing I have heard him say!

The Grand Jury proceedings apparently held much more evidence than has been released to the public.  Casey’s father, George Anthony testified for over an hour.  Apparently, he testified to the smell from the trunk of the Pontiac Casey was driving and to the semi-physical altercation that occurred between he and his daughter when he needed to retrieve something from the trunk.  Several other Law Enforcement Officers testified and some scientific types explained DNA testings and chloroform levels, etc.  After only 30 minutes, the Grand Jury returned the indictment.  In Florida, Grand Jury proceedings are kept secret so we can only wonder what evidence that they must have seen that was so compelling.

I generally am not sympathetic to parents whose children have done heinous things because it seems for the most part they had their hands in it by the way they raised the child.  That’s the case here, except for George Anthony. I would imagine somewhere along the path of life he realized what he was dealing with in Cindy.  He probably considered his options and realized that he couldn’t leave her because if he did the only ‘normal’ parent in the home would be gone.  So he was in a Catch 22, leave and let his disdain and non-approval be known but perhaps loose influence……or stay and do what he could do from ‘the inside’.  Either way was a loosing battle and the poor weary soldier had to go to the battlefront yesterday against his own daughter.  For that, I do feel sympathy.  Any parent would be heart-wrenched to have to testify against their own flesh and blood.  God Bless you, George–you stood up for Caylee yesterday.

So now, the legal wheels begin to turn.  In this case, I am sure justice will be delayed because any shenanigan that can be thought of will be pulled and there will be much ado about their not being a body but in the end…………….Casey Marie Anthony will be convicted of murdering her very own daughter.  The Bible warns not to harm a child in several scriptures so even after many, many years in a pretty rough Florida Correctional System she will still face the final of all final judgements.

Rest in Peace Little Caylee……your story is truly an American Tragedy.

And so, my son calls…….that was so awesome!  The phone rings and I am going about my busy day and there’s a call.  I don’t recognize the number and almost let it go to voicemail but something said–Answer it!  It was hard to hear and I couldn’t understand so I kept saying who’s there…and then finally the first words I understand are—IT’S YOUR SON!  Oh wow, butterflies and all that stuff.  So excited and so relieved to hear his voice and know that, for the moment, he is safe!!  He tells me a bit about his adventures thus far and sounds so enthusiastic and determined.  Oh my, I could feel the pride well up in my heart and soul.  He’s such an incredible kid…and he’s mine!

After the initial first few over the moon minutes, he gives me his mailing address.  He lets me know it’s only temporary as he is in Camp Liberty right now but will be shipping out to a Forward Operating Base (FOB) in a short time.  He gives me a list of the things he would like to have.  The Post Office has already closed for the day so I go to sleep barely able to contain myself in anticipation of getting up and getting him his requests right away. 

Bright and early the next morning I go to Wal-Mart….truly on a mission.  I have my list of his requests and then of course, I have my own list of things that Moms just know her little ones need…and wants!  I shop like a true mad woman.  Filling the basket and racking my brain to be sure nothing is forgotten.  Goodies, Airborne, toiletries, energy bars…I even get Buck a treat!  I was in Wal-Mart for over an hour and a half and spent over $100.  Shopping complete, little did I know….that was the easy part!

Next stop, United States Post Office with bags and bags of things to ship.  This being my first time, I had no idea what was in store.  After walking up to the service counter looking like a pack mule, I am sent back to fill the flat rate boxes I have been given.  Sideways, upright, squeezed in the corner….whatever I could do to make it all fit.  Three boxes later there were still a few items that I just couldn’t squeeze in…..

All the while, other patrons pass by and make nice comments.  Most realize what I am doing and give encouragement.  After all the packing, then came the paperwork…..mounds of it!  Customs forms, labels, etc.   This had become quite the task!!  It didn’t matter though, ANYTHING for my boy!!!!

So finally, I make my way back to the counter looking less like a pack mule and more like I had ran a mini marathon.  I hoist all three boxes up and feeling very frazzled reached for my debit card in my pocket.  The clerk looks at me and smiles…..I am prepared for her to ‘give me the damage’ as my daddy used to say.  She and the clerk next to her smile again and nod to each other….they stop the line for a second and come over and tell me that someone….not sure which one….but someone that had come through and watched me working feverishly to get the packages out had paid the shipping costs and told them to tell me that it was their way of showing their gratitude to my son for his service.  Speechless with tears in my eyes and so much gratitude in my heart……then I managed to clear my throat enough to profusely thank anyone and everyone within earshot as I walked away. 

I got in my car and thought to myself….that’s why my son protects this country! Sure, there’s a political agenda.  Yeah, it has alot to do with a barrel of oil.  More than anything though, he is fighting for the American people he loves so much and for the liberties and freedoms we enjoy.  He fights to protect our right to say as some do, I don’t support the war…but I will give of my heart to support the Soldier and his family that fight for me……. 

So, tonight when you go to sleep, rest easy…..my son has got your back.  Tonight when I go to sleep, I will be very thankful for the kindness and generosity of the anonymous person who had my back today-and I will rest easy only when my precious son is home safe again.

Pay it forward, every chance you get! It meant so much to me.

This is my youngest son, Isaiah.  He will be four on the 22nd of this month.  He ADORES his older brother.  I bought him a cheap little police set of toys and he proceeded to put them on and announce “Me dressed up like Tunter”.  That was the cutest thing and of course, it made me cry.  There he was with the badge, the gun, the portable and the whistle…..just like a policeman….and just like Hunter!  Memories flooded back, I remember when Hunter dressed up as a Policeman for Halloween in Pre-K.  Seems like just yesterday, I know that’s often said but oh how true it is!! Now, he’s the real thing……a Military Policeman in the US Army!  I hugged my little one tight-to soak it all in–and I took this picture to email to Hunter in Iraq and I decided to share it with you guys, too!  Isn’t he the cutest??   There’s nothing like brotherly love………..

Come home safely, big brother…..there’s a little one who wants to literally walk in your shoes!!

Mama loves…..

Life lately has been a walk on a tight rope.  Stretched between fear and faith and pride and hosts of emotions I didn’t even know existed…..I mean separation anxiety at 20 isn’t a common thing, is it?

And then, when nothing else could seem to go South…………I get a phone call to let me know my sister had passed away.  Whoa, wasn’t ready for that one.  We haven’t been extremely close as of late but there have been times when we were really there for each other.  We shared many memories and a common love of certain things.  We both had been extremely close with our dad, and we lost him almost 2o years to the day of her passing.  It hit hard and I was home alone and far away from our mom and the rest of the family.  Took me a few hours to digest and then I realized what I had to do……….

I had to contact my son in the midst of his preparation to leave for Iraq and I must tell him the sad news.  He loved my sister very much.  They had a special relationship and because my sister had been 15 years older than me, she had mothered him some as well.  My first reaction was—no, you can’t tell him!  He needs to concentrate on his mission and needs no distraction.  My thought process wasn’t really a thought process and I just decided I would wait until he was in a better position to hear such weighty news.  As my thought process redirected, I realized that wasn’t an option and he must hear it and…..he must hear it from me. 

I went through the proper channels to get him an emergency message, he was literally hours away from leaving for the first leg of his journey to Iraq.  It seemed like hours and then when he called me back……..I was crying and very emotional and I almost couldn’t say the words.  This freaked him out more because all of the possibilities raced through his mind…his little brothers?  his dad?  his grandma?  what could have gone so wrong that his mother couldn’t speak?  Finally, I was able to form the words and spew out that his Aunt Ruth had died.  It broke my heart more than the news itself to hear the anguish and tears of my grown son once he was able to understand me.  I wanted to be there, I wanted to hug him and hold him while in his sorrow.  And more than anything, I wanted to ’fix’ it as any mother reading this understands.  There is something innate in a mother’s heart and psyche that feels the need to ’fix’ the hurts of their children well beyond the skinned knee…..and I couldn’t.  I couldn’t and I couldn’t comfort him……….it was one of the lowest moments of my life.  Here he was facing a deployment and now his heart would be heavy with this as well.  We briefly discussed emergency leave plans but we quickly realized (thankfully!) that him coming home again to the sadness and then going back through his goodbyes again would just be too much.  We also realized that my sister was very proud of him, very proud…and the last thing she would want would be for him to not carry out the mission he has volunteered for.  Difficult decisions all around, hunh?

He left the next morning for Texas where he was to pick up Buck (see previous post for Buck’s story) who had been getting his shots, etc for the trip out of the country.  He spent a few days in Texas and then left for another Air Force Base on the East Coast to prepare for his flight to Kuwait.  After spending a night in Germany en-route, he landed safely in Kuwait.  As we ’speak’, he is in the air on his way to Iraq.

A memorial was held for my sister on Saturday.  It was at a park, there was friends, family and food.  She would have been pleased, I am sure.  She had suffered both physically and emotionally for a very large part of her life, this was her reprieve.  She was now finally at peace and no more sorrow and no more pain.  We will miss her, no doubt.  She was loved, she was loving.  She will live on in our hearts forever.  Her children–all adults with children of their own–have promised my son that once her ashes are available they will mail some of them to him in Iraq.  That made me smile sort of, my sister would have never imagined in a million years she would be going to Iraq!

After reading this, do something for me…..call your sister or your brother or your aunt or cousin–you know what I mean….tell them you love them, talk about the old times and share a laugh.  Hug your children, if they are home and if they aren’t call them or drop them a note or a care package, do it for my sister–

Ruth Hunter Damron 01/13/1954-09/18/2008 may she rest in peace…

it would make her smile.