heaven and hell at once

THANKS to all of you who have sent the positive comments my way!  I am oooooh, so proud of my soldier!  I wanted to share with you all a good news report!!  He’s more than half way home from this deployment!  He went last October and he will come home this October so he’s passed his half way mark!! Woooohooooo!  And to celebrate this milestone….he has taken off to a two week whirlwind tour through several countries in Europe.  So far, I know he has hit Germany and Shannon, Ireland with many more to come.  Well deserved, son!  Well deserved!  Can’t wait to see the pics and I will be sure to share a few with you all!  I am getting so excited!  October is just around the corner!!!  Welcome home, my son…my hero!  God is good….ALL THE TIME!

It’s almost Hunter’s 21st birthday! He will be celebrating in Iraq…..Where did the last 21 years go?! I just held him closely as a newborn….now, he’s a hero across an ocean–a leader among men! I am going to write a post over the next few days with 21 facts–fun and serious–about my son! A fact for each year that I have been blessed with him…

So stay tuned, I am going to start working it out in my head in the next few days and then I will bring it on home to you all!

Oh and btw, if anyone can figure out how to get a birthday cake to FOB Camp Kasul, Iraq…..drop this Proud Army Mom a line

Thanks and see you again, REAL SOON!

Have you ever heard of River City? No, it’s not Jacksonville, Florida…even though that is how it’s fondly known.  No, it’s not Pittsburgh; even though three rivers do meet in that Steely town. No, not even San Antonio with it’s glorious Riverwalk, this is River City….

It’s a ‘place’ that a military mom–like me, dad or wife or child NEVER wants to hear about; much less visit.

“River City” is the term the military uses when there’s been a death amongst the ranks.  River City is  called Countrywide (Iraq)  when a Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or Marine sacrifices his or her life in service of this Nation.  ALL communications are shut down until family members are notified. It’s a good policy to allow the military, humbly, to tell the hero’s family the fate of their loved one.

This Christmas around 1:00 am, my ‘little boy’ who stands 6′3″ and proudly serves this great Nation and of whom I am most proud; called me.  I woke from a pretty deep sleep and when I realized the time I was a little stunned and worried.  His voice sounded ok but it was just odd for him to call at that hour.  He’s been in Iraq for a few months now and pretty much has the time difference figured out and schedules his calls around it–for the most part……so, this time worried me.  He was speaking rather quickly and by the time I came around enough to get in the conversation, I started to understand that he was explaining to me that he wanted to call me on Christmas but he had to do it quick because there was a “River City” coming within minutes and he wanted to get it in before it was officially called.  Wow, that was heavy.  I spent the next few minutes telling him how much I loved him and wished him a Merry, Merry Christmas.  I even woke his middle brother who is 12 up at that hour and let him talk to him for a minute, too.  We said our I love you’s, I miss you’s and our untils (that’s what we call them).  When I hung up, I wept and wept.  I wept for my son, so far away and alone on this Christmas.  I wept for myself and my other sons and my mom because we all miss him so much.  I wept with pride knowing how proud my dad would be of him following so closely in his footprints…..but most of my tears weren’t for Hunter or for our family.  

Mostly,  I wept for the family who would soon travel to River City.  Somewhere there was a mom like me….the gifts wrapped, the Christmas dinner set to go for the next day, excitement awaiting only a few hours away at sunrise and now–she would soon answer the door to a Military Officer and a Military Chaplain who would give her news that would completely and utterly destroy and devastate her to her very core!  Perhaps a young wife with an infant tucked away awaiting his or her first Christmas–who would open her door to find the same pair of officials that would tell her the news…her husband gave his life and he would never be there for her  any infant’s Christmas times…..!  I wept, how could they endure?  Why did they have to endure?  Why, how, what can be of a tragedy like this?  I spent some time collecting my thoughts and trying to regain my composure.  I also spent some time being VERY grateful that I had heard from my own son and that I wasn’t the mom opening the door to the officials bearing that news—I know that I am not of the character of people that could ever handle that!  Never could I accept that my pride and joy–my very first born, the love of my life and my hero would never return to us who love and adore him; so I thanked God for sparing me that fate.  I then turned to pray and think of that family that was enduring now what I know I never, ever could.  I had no answers for why so I just googled mindlessly–searching for what–I didn’t know.  I found the video on Youtube and I thought that if there was anything to say to this family–this mom who could be me or the wife with the infant who could have been me twenty years ago–that this was the best I could ever hope to offer them.  So to the family who travelled to River City on December 25th, 2008–Please accept this video as my gift of honor and respect to you and please find in this video the only message that I know that can be of any comfort to you at this time of unexplainable grief.  God Bless and keep you.

And to my son…..the flag waves for you from the front porch everyday and the yellow ribbons are everywhere until I can get up on my tippy toes and hug you again.

Mama loves…… 

December 7, 1941–Pearl Harbor Day.  Commonly referred to as the day that will live forever in infamy.  I agree completely with that description but today, over 60 years later…for a different reason.

I had the great pleasure of living on Pearl Harbor in the late ’80’s and early ’90’s.  I visited the Arizona Memorial and frequently would see the bullet holes left from that day at various sites around the island.  I wasn’t a history scholar (a scholar of any kind for that matter??!! LOL) but I knew what that war was about.  We were attacked by a foreign enemy who was attacking us and other countries in somewhat of a frenzy.  We declared war, fought back and kicked butt.

That’s what makes Pearl Harbor and December 7 infamous to me.  It was the last time this country engaged in a war for a clear and precise reason with a crystal clear enemy and an undeniable victory.

Since then our wars have been ‘conflicts’ and our victories have been anything but….victories.  Sad, but true.

The brave men and women that lost their lives that day, all 2390 of them….their deaths were avenged and the loss of their lives, while more than tragic–lead this nation into a war that it emerged clearly as a World Class Superpower from…!  Our economy was strong, our morale was high and the respect for this nation was palpable anywhere in the world!

What about now?  Our death toll stands at 4,523.  Are we sure we attacked this country for clear and precise reasons?  Are we kicking butt?  I am sure you all can answer that for yourselves….and as the mother of a United States Soldier deployed in Iraq, I can answer it with far more conviction than you’re interested in hearing.

If you feel like me, I would much rather be infamous for kicking butt and defending the constitution than the fiasco we are on the worldwide stage with right now.  It’s time to do your civil duty, educate yourselves on foreign and domestic affairs and do your part to ensure our elected leaders restore our country to what she was as a result of December 7, 1941……infamous for kicking butt!

I haven’t written very many posts lately.  I apologize.  I guess you could say, I have been a little sad…well, more than before sad.  I had a little surgery on the 19th and spent quite a bit of time on my butt!  For those of you who know me, perpetual motion is my favorite way of life.  Spending time on my butt gives me too much time to think….I don’t like to think a lot anymore!  I remember an overused phrase I learned growing up–”Ignorance is bliss”!  I have come to swear by that and just try and keep it as simple as possible.  Being on my butt, being 40 and having a piece of my heart in a war-zone ganged up on me……so I haven’t been around (it’s called isolating) Sorry! 

It doesn’t help that the piece of my heart that is in a war-zone is now settled into Forward Operating Base Kalsu.  He had been at Camp Liberty and Camp Stryker and I was so grateful because we spoke daily, sometimes more than once.  It was nice and I could at least rest in the relative security of knowing that if I was hearing from him, he was safe.  Now, he’s hunkered down with Buck at Kalsu.  Kalsu has little to no internet capabilities except for one Government sanctioned internet tent.  Hunter had spent boatloads of money on his laptop and getting it wireless internet ready and that had made things so easy for us.  FOB Kalsu has NO wireless capability and it would take the Soldiers nearly two grand to get it up and going and he can’t find enough of them that want to go in and split the cost of wireless installation.  So, now I’m scraping by on a telephone call her and there, very short….and a few messages on the computer when he gets the time.  I am trying to get over my holiday case of the ‘Poor Me’ and just learn to be grateful that he is very well trained and very ready for his mission and I just need to be strong and relish the short calls and keep my own spirits up.  Send me some comments, you guys know I blog for strength and today, I need some…….

Mama loves……

p.s. don’t worry, I can usually recover from the slump without too much whining!

Wow!  I feel like I am a ‘real blogger’ now!!  I think it’s kind of a rite of passage that another blogger has recognized me–even if it was only to play a little social appetizer game!!  Recognition is recognition and I am OVER THE MOON!    The blogger that ‘touched’ me makes it even more special!!  A baby….and you know what they say, ’out of the mouths of babes!’  I have truly enjoyed reading the ‘baby’s’ thoughts since my very first time on Today.com, so I decided I would play!!   It’s okay to deviate from time to time…..I can’t ALWAYS be so pensive….so here goes…

And please be forgiving when it comes to the esthetics of those that I tagged–HTML and I don’t always dance the tango so smoothly!  It’s the fun that counts, right?

I have to post eight things about myself that no one knows about me. Now, since I don’t know any of you, that won’t be as hard as if you were my regular crowd…..

1) I was adopted when I was 3 days old.

2) I am an all year round flip flop wearing, beach going FLORIDA GIRL!

3) My cousin was killed in a motorcycle accident by a drunk driver.  Please support BADD  www.badd.org

4) I used to live in the same base housing unit that Jimmy Carter lived in while he was stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii!

5) I cry for sappy reasons, even more so now that Hunter is deployed.

6) I get told I look like Drew Barrymore sometimes, since I am older I say…she looks like me!

7) When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be Jane Pauley….some of you may not be old enough to remember Jane Pauley….so just think Katie Couric–with less cute! 

and last but not least #8. I am a rare find–a fifth generation Floridian.

 So here are the official rules for this fun game–
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog post about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
Ok–enough about me! I am going to tag these great eight bloggers and can’t wait to read their facts:

1. balsampondsdesign’s shop Giving a card is a gift. To select a card and then to send it takes time, time is precious, send someone a gift of time through a beautiful card.

2. crazymommy A mommy after my own heart

3.ihatemyteenager The story of a very brave Mother and her unwavering love for her son.

4. David’s Musing - The views of an average retired, middle aged, divorced guy–a very wise one at that!

5. Appalachian Pen Works   Handmade, high quality pens of all styles.  Great for gift giving!!

 6.edgeofreality A very brave account of a woman living on a roller-coaster that she isn’t in control of…..I read with awe!

7.apronstrings and angst A woman’s journey through learning to embrace the fabric of her life–cutting the apron strings and embracing the angst! 

 8. crazy family of 9-A glimpse into the life of a woman with SEVEN children–Phew!  I get tired just reading about it!

I don’t like to deviate much on this blog.  It’s for Hunter and it’s meant to chronicle our existence and survival through this deployment.  Sometimes, though, I just have to get my two cents in on something that really gets to me.

So, yesterday……they FINALLY indicted Casey Anthony for 1st Degree Murder of her precious daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony.  She was indicted on seven charges with the murder charge being the most serious.  Fittingly, there was no bond set for this mom/monster–”momster” and she can finally sit in a cell with no media attention and no adoring mother doting on her and no more six hour visits with Jose Baez!  Baez, her own attorney used the words “Public Enemy Number One” and that’s probably the most intelligent thing I have heard him say!

The Grand Jury proceedings apparently held much more evidence than has been released to the public.  Casey’s father, George Anthony testified for over an hour.  Apparently, he testified to the smell from the trunk of the Pontiac Casey was driving and to the semi-physical altercation that occurred between he and his daughter when he needed to retrieve something from the trunk.  Several other Law Enforcement Officers testified and some scientific types explained DNA testings and chloroform levels, etc.  After only 30 minutes, the Grand Jury returned the indictment.  In Florida, Grand Jury proceedings are kept secret so we can only wonder what evidence that they must have seen that was so compelling.

I generally am not sympathetic to parents whose children have done heinous things because it seems for the most part they had their hands in it by the way they raised the child.  That’s the case here, except for George Anthony. I would imagine somewhere along the path of life he realized what he was dealing with in Cindy.  He probably considered his options and realized that he couldn’t leave her because if he did the only ‘normal’ parent in the home would be gone.  So he was in a Catch 22, leave and let his disdain and non-approval be known but perhaps loose influence……or stay and do what he could do from ‘the inside’.  Either way was a loosing battle and the poor weary soldier had to go to the battlefront yesterday against his own daughter.  For that, I do feel sympathy.  Any parent would be heart-wrenched to have to testify against their own flesh and blood.  God Bless you, George–you stood up for Caylee yesterday.

So now, the legal wheels begin to turn.  In this case, I am sure justice will be delayed because any shenanigan that can be thought of will be pulled and there will be much ado about their not being a body but in the end…………….Casey Marie Anthony will be convicted of murdering her very own daughter.  The Bible warns not to harm a child in several scriptures so even after many, many years in a pretty rough Florida Correctional System she will still face the final of all final judgements.

Rest in Peace Little Caylee……your story is truly an American Tragedy.

And so, my son calls…….that was so awesome!  The phone rings and I am going about my busy day and there’s a call.  I don’t recognize the number and almost let it go to voicemail but something said–Answer it!  It was hard to hear and I couldn’t understand so I kept saying who’s there…and then finally the first words I understand are—IT’S YOUR SON!  Oh wow, butterflies and all that stuff.  So excited and so relieved to hear his voice and know that, for the moment, he is safe!!  He tells me a bit about his adventures thus far and sounds so enthusiastic and determined.  Oh my, I could feel the pride well up in my heart and soul.  He’s such an incredible kid…and he’s mine!

After the initial first few over the moon minutes, he gives me his mailing address.  He lets me know it’s only temporary as he is in Camp Liberty right now but will be shipping out to a Forward Operating Base (FOB) in a short time.  He gives me a list of the things he would like to have.  The Post Office has already closed for the day so I go to sleep barely able to contain myself in anticipation of getting up and getting him his requests right away. 

Bright and early the next morning I go to Wal-Mart….truly on a mission.  I have my list of his requests and then of course, I have my own list of things that Moms just know her little ones need…and wants!  I shop like a true mad woman.  Filling the basket and racking my brain to be sure nothing is forgotten.  Goodies, Airborne, toiletries, energy bars…I even get Buck a treat!  I was in Wal-Mart for over an hour and a half and spent over $100.  Shopping complete, little did I know….that was the easy part!

Next stop, United States Post Office with bags and bags of things to ship.  This being my first time, I had no idea what was in store.  After walking up to the service counter looking like a pack mule, I am sent back to fill the flat rate boxes I have been given.  Sideways, upright, squeezed in the corner….whatever I could do to make it all fit.  Three boxes later there were still a few items that I just couldn’t squeeze in…..

All the while, other patrons pass by and make nice comments.  Most realize what I am doing and give encouragement.  After all the packing, then came the paperwork…..mounds of it!  Customs forms, labels, etc.   This had become quite the task!!  It didn’t matter though, ANYTHING for my boy!!!!

So finally, I make my way back to the counter looking less like a pack mule and more like I had ran a mini marathon.  I hoist all three boxes up and feeling very frazzled reached for my debit card in my pocket.  The clerk looks at me and smiles…..I am prepared for her to ‘give me the damage’ as my daddy used to say.  She and the clerk next to her smile again and nod to each other….they stop the line for a second and come over and tell me that someone….not sure which one….but someone that had come through and watched me working feverishly to get the packages out had paid the shipping costs and told them to tell me that it was their way of showing their gratitude to my son for his service.  Speechless with tears in my eyes and so much gratitude in my heart……then I managed to clear my throat enough to profusely thank anyone and everyone within earshot as I walked away. 

I got in my car and thought to myself….that’s why my son protects this country! Sure, there’s a political agenda.  Yeah, it has alot to do with a barrel of oil.  More than anything though, he is fighting for the American people he loves so much and for the liberties and freedoms we enjoy.  He fights to protect our right to say as some do, I don’t support the war…but I will give of my heart to support the Soldier and his family that fight for me……. 

So, tonight when you go to sleep, rest easy…..my son has got your back.  Tonight when I go to sleep, I will be very thankful for the kindness and generosity of the anonymous person who had my back today-and I will rest easy only when my precious son is home safe again.

Pay it forward, every chance you get! It meant so much to me.

This is my youngest son, Isaiah.  He will be four on the 22nd of this month.  He ADORES his older brother.  I bought him a cheap little police set of toys and he proceeded to put them on and announce “Me dressed up like Tunter”.  That was the cutest thing and of course, it made me cry.  There he was with the badge, the gun, the portable and the whistle…..just like a policeman….and just like Hunter!  Memories flooded back, I remember when Hunter dressed up as a Policeman for Halloween in Pre-K.  Seems like just yesterday, I know that’s often said but oh how true it is!! Now, he’s the real thing……a Military Policeman in the US Army!  I hugged my little one tight-to soak it all in–and I took this picture to email to Hunter in Iraq and I decided to share it with you guys, too!  Isn’t he the cutest??   There’s nothing like brotherly love………..

Come home safely, big brother…..there’s a little one who wants to literally walk in your shoes!!

Mama loves…..